evil-kemis:

I have adopted a new policy few years ago and I can’t even begin to tell you how high my quality of life has soared since then.

I don’t help anyone unless they explicitly ask me to.

It sounds selfish and callous because we (especially women) have been trained into acting like working ourselves to death to please others is our reason for living. But this is self-preservation, both physical and mental health.

What I do now, instead of rushing in, is ask. Offer my help. “Hey, do you need a hand?” If the answer is no, i shrug and go my way.

People won’t ask for two reasons: a) they expect you to be useful, b) they don’t want to be helped.

Type A, screw them. Unless they are paying you for your time (and even then) they have no right to demand anything of you.

Type B, if you need help you’re in a bad spot. You’re in a position of weakness. Seen from below a helping hand might be anything from a punch to flipping its finger to an attempt to squash you, especially if you’re not expecting it.

You can’t help those who don’t want to be helped. You can’t take other people’s problems on your own shoulders or force yourself into their lives to fix them.

Offer your help freely and repeatedly if you need, but if they say no just accept it and move on.