i think that… approximately 100% of the time, parents, teachers, etc… have this misconception that neurodivergent kids & teens don’t know anything about how to handle their neurodivergence.

for years, i suffered through people making suggestions of things that were things i had done, and either weren’t worth the effort or they actually made things worse. i told them this, and if i was still having any issues with the same problem they’d say something about “well if you’re not gonna listen to any suggestions…” when I did. they’re the one who didn’t listen when i told them that doesn’t work for me. They assume that because I didn’t try it in front of them (which is often impossible), I never tried it.
I tried doing my homework as soon as I got home. I tried doing my homework at the table, I tried working where I was comfortable. I tried listening to music, I tried working in silence. I tried using a planner, I tried setting reminders on my phone, I tried. I tell people that I have executive functioning issues and they say that I have to work on it like I haven’t been doing that as long as I’ve had to do things and it’s so much better than it was before. I’m as able as I am now because I’ve spent 18 years working on it.

One of my friends has ADHD, and at one point when her grades dropped her parents took her phone, despite her telling them that the only way she can focus on her homework is to listen to music, for which she needs her phone.

I was in a study hall with another friend, who also has ADHD. Sometimes, they would be able to focus and do their work. Others, they would end up being entirely unable to and would do other stuff. The “instructional support” person would start bothering them about it, insist that they try. As if they hadn’t already done so.

I am tired of watching people assume that neurodivergent people aren’t trying, or we haven’t tried. We’re always trying.

My dad would reply to this, “Yes, you’re very trying” and honestly that just fucking makes it worse. We are not a burden, and we are doing our best.

bizarre neurodivergence things

allllltheautism:

headphones-and-tea:

h-oney-b-ones:

no-spoons-given:

authenticautistic:

goldenbonnies:

Nesting

Hoarding things

Taking things apart

Wandering

Shitty memory

Needing pressure on your body to sleep

“why are you inside the blanket”

“you don’t need that many ????”

*takes pens apart constantly*

“so you mean to tell me you go to town to walk around the shops and that’s it?”

*in a familiar area* “where to ____” “idk sorry”

*tries to balance weighted lap pad on my shoulder as I sleep*

Fucking mood

We’re all just confused, vaguely nomadic dragons

I support this theory!

Reblog if you’re a confused, vaguely nomadic dragon, too

I got lucky: I have a cat who understands this need and will just sleep on top of me.

To my friends on the spectrum, let me explain to you an unspoken social rule that possibly nobody has ever explained to you before

wonszu:

bonehandledknife:

survivablyso:

bonehandledknife:

lierdumoa:

If a neurotypical asks you, “What game are you playing?” they’re not asking you to describe the game.

They’re asking you if they can play too.

If a neurotypical asks you, “What are you watching?” they’re not asking you to explain the plot of the movie/tv show to them.

They’re asking if they can watch it with you.

.

When neurotypicals ask you “What are you doing?”

What you think they’re asking: “Please explain to me what you are doing.”

What they’re actually asking: “Can I join you?”

Now here’s the really fucked up part. If you start explaining to them what you’re doing? They will interpret that as a rejection.

What you think you’re saying: [the answer to their question]

What they think you’re saying: This is an elite and exclusive activity for a level 5 friend and you are a level 1 acquaintance. You are not qualified to join me because you don’t know all this stuff. Go away.

.

This is why neurotypicals think you’re being cold and antisocial.

IT’S ALL A HORRIBLE MISCOMMUNICATION.

I didn’t realize, even thought it took me almost three decades to learn this, that this was such a paradigm changing realization until we had our conversation today.

But it really really is. One of the most bewildering realizations I’ve had is most people don’t talk to learn things unless its related to work or directly towards their own hobbies, all the words and questions are bonding questions if done socially. They are “lets make friends” questions.

So if I answer their question without an opportunity for the person asking the question to give a response or to join in somehow, the asker feels alienated and starts shutting down.

Example: what are you reading?

True answer but not what they’re looking for: Title of book

Best answer for social scenarios where I want to retain/create friendship: This book is about x and y but it has z that i know u have an interest in too.

Example: what are you doing?

True answer but not: drawing

Best answer for friends: I’m drawing but would u like company while I’m working?

And sometimes frankly I’m not in a headspace where I can process people so the answer is something like, “I would like to do something in a day or later, do you want to plan something?”

Tldr: communication is wierd

HOLY

SHIT

that explains so fucking much thank you

(why the fuck do neurotypicals never just day what they mean ie hey this show looks cool mind if I join you)

Further annoying?

They don’t realize that’s what they’re asking and they just feel rejected and go away. So you can’t even ask them what you did wrong because they can’t even put a finger on why they feel the way they do they just know you made them feel bad for some undefined reason.

THAT EXPLAINS SO MUCH