Villains in Addams Family movies go to really unnecessary lengths to defraud them of the family fortune. These people just give it away on whims all the time. If I just walked into the house and started wearing their clothes and spending their money, they wold start introducing me as Cousin Intruder and forget there was ever a time I didn’t live with them.
Gomez in particular would enjoy your boldness, Cousin Intruder.
Oh shit.
The Addams family loves and greets every person entering one of their homes.
The Addams family adopted or married every person wishing to stay.
This is why the Addams family is full of freaks.
Of course.
So what we’re saying is, tracing the Addams’ geneology is damn near impossible and it’s just as likely that no living member of the family is actually a blood relative of the people who originally held the family name?
What I’m hearing is that Batman is actually an Addams.
He most certainly is
I could have sworn I saw someone prompting this somewhere
There was no way this night could get longer. But obviously life found a way. Jason was slumped against Dick’s bathroom door.
“Dick, just open the door and you’ll be out.”
A muffled “I can’t” was all Jason could hear in response.
It was currently 3:42 am and they were tired. Tim was wrestling Damian so that they didn’t have to replace another door because of him kicking it down.
With all the commotion, Bruce and Alfred were now coming into the room.
“What on earth is going on!?” Asked Alfred as he separated Tim and Damian.
Jason turned towards Bruce. “Well, Dickhead managed to get himself locked in the bathroom and he can’t turn the lock because he’s too out of it from the concussion.”
Bruce immediately went past him and lightly knocked on the bathroom. “Dick, can you open the door?”
“Bruce?”
“Yeah its me. Can you open the door, please?”
He could hear Dick’s uneven breath through the door. “No, it’s not working.”
“Okay.” Bruce turned towards Alfred. “Can you get the key?”
Tim gaped at Bruce. “Wait, you had keys for the door!?”
“Yeah but only Alfred knows where they are. He hid it from me when I tried to lock myself in my room when I was younger.”
Alfred came back in the room and unlocked the door. Turning the knob, Dick rolled out and was sprawled out on the floor now. The tear tracks on his face was noticeable. Damian was already on the floor next to him.
Bruce looked down at Dick. “Are you okay?”
“The lotion held me hostage.”
“What?”
“I had lotion on my hands and it didn’t let me open the door.”
Tim threw his hands into the air. “Oh my god. I can’t deal with this.”
Jason just shrugged. “Well its hard to open the door with lotion on your hands.”
Bruce pinched the bridge of his nose. “Just…go to bed.”
Life found a way to make the night longer. Even if it was through lotion.
“Jesus christ eat the goddamn mac and cheese.” scowls the hero “I can hear your stomach growling through your armor, you know.”
The villain blinks “You-”
“Are feeding you, yes. If all I wanted to do was punch people and throw criminals in jail, I would’ve become a vigilante. Heroism involves kindness, dipshit.”
“Heroism involves kindness, dipshit” is the most amazing phrase I’ve ever read. I need to incorporate it into all my work.
This straight up sounds like something Spider-Man would say
This is what people who actually know how to write Batman would say
I’m 85% sure Batman has really really bad Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
Not, “keep things tidy” or “wash my hands until they bleed” but, like, his obsession with being Batman and fighting crime is driven by fear. The repeating thought of “if I don’t become this bat vigilante then people will die” is… irrational. But he doesn’t see it that way. He trains. He can’t not train. If he doesn’t then people die. He pushes himself to the brink of death, pushing himself beyond the limitations of his body because if he relents for just a moment people will die. It’ll be his fault. He needs to be out on the street every night. He needs to train every day.
Without people like Alfred, his obsession would’ve killed him within the first year. That’s not normal. He literally cannot stop himself from going out and fighting crime. He tried to stop being Batman before, but he always come back to it. He’s too afraid. He needs to be Batman. It’s all he thinks about.
By all means he should be dead. He’s basically insanely smart and lucky.
Thinking he’s personally responsible for the deaths in Gotham is his obsession. His compulsion is to train all the time and to go out every night to fight criminals.
Batman definitely has obsessive compulsive disorder.
Other examples of his irrational ways of thinking include
“I need to be miserable and alone.”
“Using a gun makes me as bad as the serial killers”
“Killing no matter the circumstance will turn me into someone like the Joker.”
In a DC Nation comic they put multiple hero’s sanctuary files, Batman being one of them, and at the bottom listed their diagnoses conditions.
DarkestElemental616 