one of my fave DnD things is how, during character creation, people start talking in first person without realising. they start out like ‘well, she’s a paladin’ and within ten minutes their fists are clenched as they shout ‘MY SISTER DESERVED WHAT SHE GOT AND IF YOU DISAGREE I’LL KILL YOU TOO’
“You wouldn’t know”: If you ask to roll, say, history, and your DM responds with this, it usually means, “This is a vital plot point that you aren’t supposed to find out until later, so I won’t tell you regardless of what you roll”
“I mean, you could”: The DM is strongly suggesting you don’t do the thing you were just about to do. But it is your choice… if you reeeeeally want to.
“Oh, fuck”/“Oh, shit”/et cetera: “I DID NOT EXPECT YOU TO MAKE THAT DECISION AND I DID NOT PREPARE AN OUTCOME”
“Oh, fuck”/“Oh, shit”/et cetera: “I JUST REALIZED I DID NOT BALANCE THIS COMBAT CORRECTLY”
“Hang on…”: “Where the FUCK did I put this in my notes?”
“Oh boy”/“Oh god”/“Oh no”/et cetera: I either just rolled REALLY well or REALLY badly. You’ll find out soon enough.
“It seems like…”/“As far as you can tell…”: What I’m about to say your character notices, is nowhere CLOSE to what’s actually going on.
“Make a [skill] check”/“Make a [skill] saving throw”: I’m having you make this roll, but I’m not going to tell you what it means until later, when you’re going to regret it.
A hard, firm, “No”: “Please for the love of GOD and ALL that is holy I am BEGGING you not to put me through whatever BULLSHIT you’re planning.”
vicious mockery is my favorite spell in dungeons and dragons because like
A) it does decent damage
B) it’s a cantrip
so canonically, a talented musician can murder commonfolk by hurling a single insult at them (average damage at 17+ level is 10, max 16.). imagine a chaotic evil bard who becomes a serial killer and the local guards are afraid to pursue him because you might go up and say “you’re under arrest” but then he just retorts ‘your mom is under arrest” and you fucking die on the spot
that same musician, if he can manage to successfully insult the world’s most fearsome ancient dragon 55 times without dying first… it dies. a process which would still take only about 11 minutes (assuming the bard has a spell DC of 19, meaning the dragon would fail about 50% of the saves.)
A Bard could kill a dragon over the course of a single Roast session.
Secretly slip a concoction into the heroes food that makes their DNA 15% more mongoose like, then let them meet the only creature in the multiverse that can help them stop you.
DarkestElemental616 