God: Okay, here’s the Earth, have fun in the trees.
Some monkey like six million years ago: Hey guys check out this bipedalism mod.
God: Oh, I guess you guys can keep looking for berries and stuff on the ground now.
Some pre-human smashing two rocks together: Listen up everybody, I have the cheat codes for a new item to access more food for your inventory.
God: Oh, you guys sure are doing a lot. Too bad there’s not a way to organize yourselves.
Some hominin guy: Install hyoid_morphology.exe and you can access chat from within the game.
God: But don’t you have to watch out for those bigger animals I put down there?
Some early human, looking at a mammoth: bro, you can win the boss battle if you just combine your wood-type weapon with your stone-type weapon and avoid a critical hit.
God: Okay you guys, you’re breeding pretty fast, and the Earth can only provide for about 10m of you, so save space!
Some Neolithic Dude: Lmao Earth HACKED – guys just empty your inventory of a bunch of plants right by your spawn point and then you have to use way less energy to collect the items.
God: Oh me…
Guys appreciate my biological anthropology humor
Appreciated.
Tag: gaming
the player’s guide to DM-speak!
- “You wouldn’t know”: If you ask to roll, say, history, and your DM responds with this, it usually means, “This is a vital plot point that you aren’t supposed to find out until later, so I won’t tell you regardless of what you roll”
- “I mean, you could”: The DM is strongly suggesting you don’t do the thing you were just about to do. But it is your choice… if you reeeeeally want to.
- “Oh, fuck”/“Oh, shit”/et cetera: “I DID NOT EXPECT YOU TO MAKE THAT DECISION AND I DID NOT PREPARE AN OUTCOME”
- “Oh, fuck”/“Oh, shit”/et cetera: “I JUST REALIZED I DID NOT BALANCE THIS COMBAT CORRECTLY”
- “Hang on…”: “Where the FUCK did I put this in my notes?”
- “Oh boy”/“Oh god”/“Oh no”/et cetera: I either just rolled REALLY well or REALLY badly. You’ll find out soon enough.
- “It seems like…”/“As far as you can tell…”: What I’m about to say your character notices, is nowhere CLOSE to what’s actually going on.
- “Make a [skill] check”/“Make a [skill] saving throw”: I’m having you make this roll, but I’m not going to tell you what it means until later, when you’re going to regret it.
- A hard, firm, “No”: “Please for the love of GOD and ALL that is holy I am BEGGING you not to put me through whatever BULLSHIT you’re planning.”
DarkestElemental616 