Ok so I’ve been seeing a ton of those ‘we need more representation at hogwarts’ posts and I was like hell why not more Jewish representation at Hogwarts (and like everywhere else but that’s another story). No like imagine though
parents calling/or I guess writing the school to make sure that their kids get a kosher meal option and that there’s a good Jewish presence
having Friday night and Saturday morning and Holiday services in the room of requirement
bar and bat mitzvahs would be fuckin epic like imagine having your bar or bat mitzvah in the Great Hall like hot damn people would talk about that for centuries like what was your bar/bat mitzvah theme? oh just REAL LIFE WIZARDING MAGIC
on a more depressing note learning about how Voldemort tried to wipe out anyone who wasn’t pureblood brings up too many Holocaust parallels and is actually extremely upsetting to many students/ many of the Jewish kids teach their non-muggleborn friends about the Holocaust when they ask why they’re getting so distraught
but on a lighter note Hannukah at Hogwarts would be fuckin awesome. like Slytherin students charming their dreidels so they can win every time, Hufflepuffs making everyone homemade gifts and shit, EVERYONE fucking making latkes bc those rule, also the kitchen elves being like wtf is a latke and the students being like prepare to have your mind fuckin blown
giving the Jewish students the day off on Yom Kippur bc like how the frick are you supposed to function come on (that should apply to every school not just magical ones let’s be honest here)
accidentally saying spells in Hebrew because if you grew up learning Hebrew and English it’s gonna slip out when speaking another foreign language (happens to me all the time in Spanish)
getting howlers from concerned mothers who just want you to call back or write back because they love you and they want to make sure you’re warm and well fed (but they remind you that the cooking will never be as good as their own, and your mom is probably right, you miss her brisket and kugel) and if you’re dating anyone make sure it’s a nice jewish boy/girl!
religious kids arguing over what kind of magic is okay to use on Shabbat and holidays
religious kids getting kippot that match their respective houses
religious kids davening in their common rooms each morning
having a succah in the courtyard on Succot, but it does the bigger on the inside thing like the tents at the Quidditch world cup, so on the outside it looks pretty small and humble but you get inside and it’s like decked the fuck out and there’s candy from honeydukes everywhere and it’s just amazing
dressing up on Halloween and Purim and giving shalach manot to their friends and professors
WHY CANT YOU EAT BREAD FOR THE WHOLE WEEK? This question comes up whether you’re in the wizarding world or not let’s face it.
HOGWARTS SEDERS. The great hall decorated for the Seder. those long ass Hogwarts tables decorated with like ten Seder plates because they are so long. Students staying up way past their bedtime because it’s the Seder and that’s just what you do. all the kids who were at the Seder just wiped out in classes the next day.
Jewish wizards charming matzah into actually tasting decent (what a thought)
Jewish wizards inviting their non Jewish friends to Seders and Friday night dinners
Introducing friends to the magical bread that is Challah and kids being like ‘damn son I do magic all day every day but this is true magic’
Jewish wizard couples just because
Celebrating Israeli Independence Day at Hogwarts (that would be a dream come true holy moly) like cooking falafel and stuff with the kitchen elves that would be amazing
AU where Minerva McGonagall has a little less faith in Albus Dumbledore so she does agree to leave Harry at the Dursleys.
But then proceeds to move right in next door with her wife because Albus never said that she couldn’t.
So Harry grows up with two grandmalike aunties next door, who basically finnagle him into living with them in all but name. It’s great, until he gets to Hogwarts because he keeps accidentally calling McGonagall Aunt Min instead of Professor.
The more I think about this the better it gets because suddenly a small biracial orphan appearing on the Dursley’s doorstep is less scandalous and gossip worthy in the
pasty ass white suburbia of Privet Drive, when it’s compared to the elderly lesbian interracial couple who moved in next door.
Okay this has an amazing amount of potential for Harry, but I am very filled with curiosity about Minerva’s wife.
1) Who is she? and more importantly
2) How did this marriage come to pass?
I mean I am all for Minerva McGonagall having had a wife already at this juncture in her life, but consider
1) Utter BAMF who is acknowledged to be out of everyone’s league Minerva McGonagall walking into a Ministry break room full of lady Aurors and the like and saying, “I have a child that needs looking after and a neighborhood full of prats who need scandalizing and will marry the first woman to say yes” and there is a moment’s shock and then the verbal equivalent of half a dozen bridesmaids diving for the bouquet with one clear winner who was a split second faster on the uptake and they end up in love by the time Harry is old enough to toddle properly.
2) The house next door is being sold by the daughter of its occupant who just inherited it and wants nothing to do with Little Whinging except to inflict herself on all the narrow-minded bastards long enough to get a good price for it; when Minerva walks in the door there is a mental adjustment that leaves her swooning (or maybe that’s Minerva) and after tea, dinner, and certain other activities she invites Minerva to live with her instead of selling it.
3) Minerva specifically tracks down the schoolmate she knows to be best at making stupid people regret everything, and asks her to pretend to be her wife, share a house in Little Whinging with her, and help keep an eye on Harry Potter. Both of them solidly overestimated their ability to keep the relationship fake.
cause the games didn’t dive nearly enough into the lore.
– when nobodies are “born” they are incredibly unstable. like… from the moment of their existence the universe is trying to get rid of them. if left to their own devices, a newly born nobody would probably fade quietly on its own.
– this is why the organization is so important and so dangerous. giving the nobodies a new name is more than just branding them with a sigil – it’s giving them a starting point. a new existence. a purpose. it gives them something to hold onto so the universe can’t just quietly erase them.
– it’s only because of the organizations existence that up to 13 human nobodies were able to exist. many of them feel like the organization gave them a second chance at life. xemnas and co. exploit that mercilessly.
– “They can’t be that bad they gave me a name and shelter and a reason for existence-” or the opposite “yeah it’s shitty and they’re doing really shitty things but they did all this for me so im obligated to help”
– by the time someone notices how abusive the atmosphere in the organization is it’s usually much too late but they’ll stay either out of resignation or fear of being erased
– human nobodies display characteristics related to their element. being near xemnas feels like being near a black hole. axel is hot to the touch. demyx’s movements are a little too fluid. luxord “lags” or skips a few frames. etc. etc.
– the reason why human nobodies even have elements is because the universe was trying too desperately to give them some sort of purpose but accidentally made them… just… more confusing and weird.
– Light is harmful. Light actively tries to help the universe right the mistake of their existence. if a nobody is in the realm of light for too long without protection (the cloak) they can risk fading away.
– this makes roxas’s element really ironic. roxas is stupidly special in a lot of ways, but the most prominent is that Light is not harmful to him. he can command and bend it no problem. it’s still harmful to the other members though, so he has to limit his usage of it. (this is why he only uses light during his limit breaks – he’s desperate and no one can blame him for harming another member when he’s close to fading)
– there have been other members of the organization other than the ones we know. either they faded on their own soon after joining (instability) or they were deemed unfit and… disposed of.
– CoM was the first time axel’s had to get rid of any outright traitors, but it was nowhere near the first time he’s been ordered to kill other members. this is how he was able to do it so calmly and efficiently.
– nobodies (especially human nobodies) give off this overwhelming sense of… wrongness. uncanny valley in full effect. a human’s reaction to being around them can range anywhere from hostility to outright horror
– related to the above: nobodies aren’t pretty. regular nobodies look like dolls at best and misshapen caricatures of bodies at worse, but human nobodies just flat out look dead.
– greyed skin, dull hair, sunken eyes, etc. they truly look like shells of their former selves.
– their appearance + human’s reactions give organization members two distinct ways of thinking that xemnas and co. would also exploit mercilessly 1) you either resent yourself and your fall from humanity and would do anything to get it back (Axel, Saix before he was norted, Demyx, etc.) or 2) you resent humans and don’t care much about what would happen to them as the organization does as it does (Xaldin, Larxene, Marluxia, etc.)
– in the early days of existence (first few weeks to a month) it’s hard to separate memories from reality and the two bleed together constantly. new nobodies are physically and (ironically) emotionally unstable. their body hasnt quite acknowledged that they dont have hearts anymore so they still “feel” as viscerally as they did when they were human. (it can even get to the extent where the body would display physical reactions like tears).
– after the physical form has stabilized and the body realizes that the heart is gone, its near impossible to get back tot that state. there’s now a barrier between memories and the body – any “emotions” older nobodies display they’re simply going off how their memories tell them to react. sometimes its a knee-jerk reaction, but they’re always painfully aware they aren’t really feeling anything. (the older a nobody is the easier it is for them to just. not react. or even forget how)
– due to the high organization presence in twilight town theres a pretty deep seated urban legend about them that parents tell to kids to keep them from wandering alone or at night. even after nobodies have faded considerably since the organizations defeat the legend has stayed strong and it probably won’t disappear anytime soon.
– and yeah i think i wrote more than enough for now lmao
– nobodies dont need to eat. like.. they can if they want, but it doesnt do anything. the most it does is make them feel more hollow because its not like they can enjoy their favorite foods anymore. (they’ll still do it tho…. they’ll still do it…)
– nobodies also don’t get injured in the traditional sense. every blow or hit just makes their physical form a bit more unstable, until its reached the point where the universe can swoop in and finish the job (them fading away) they dont exist. they dont bleed.
warning that some of these aren’t even canon-adjacent and follow my own weird semi-au only i know about in depth aljdfh
roxas is the most unintentionally creepy member of organization xiii
he doesnt have any memories of what it’s like to be human so he acted so completely inhuman for the first few weeks that no one… really wanted to be around him.
it got better tho bc of axel’s coaching coupled with him people watching on missions
i honestly dont buy the whole “he had ventus’ heart thats why he has emotions” thing so i hc that he was full on heartless like everyone else but bc he didnt have memories he didnt have the ability to lie to himself so he regrew his heart faster
this isnt quite a headcanon but i also dont draw him looking like ventus. i just draw him looking like sora bc it is said in canon that they look alike asjdflkh
he glows in the dark
he can survive the longest without his coat bc he has his own protective bubble of light, but even that won’t save him for too long
so in the realm of light most of the other members can only last like 1 to 2 minutes without their coat on but roxas can last up to 10
he can bend light just enough to make himself invisible but it only last for a few seconds and it tires him out
similarly he can summon brief bursts of speed that allow him to move faster than light but that also only lasts like a second and takes a lot of energy so he only uses it as a desperation move
he’s not allowed to use overt light magic if he’s partnered with someone so he doesnt accidentally cause them to fade (bc that would suck)
he liked to sneak out to the dark city bc he thought the castle was stifling and sometimes he wanted to be alone but he wasnt allowed to do that bc the heartless would attack him so axel was always sent out to drag him back to the castle
he would sit and watch the images on the memory skyscraper to try and get a glimpse of the person he used to be but it would always be vague and he never got much information out of it
still it was pretty nice to watch even if it did leave his chest feeling more hollow afterwards than it ever did before
he knows he was someone before he was roxas. like how everyone else was someone before they were nobodies. he has an idea of the type of person he used to be
hes intimidated by the vague idea he has of the person he used to be bc he knows he’ll never live up to that.
Imagine Jason Todd holding a baby, soft and fragile and protected in his strong, beefy arms. He’ll even do the thing where he sits and leans back so the baby can sleep on his chest. Maybe even lay the baby down on his thighs. The baby’s tiny hand wraps around his index finger and he may or may not get teary eyed thinking about how small and precious the baby is.
museum curator, watching steve waltz into the smithsonian, the memory of having the stolen cap america authentic howling commando era uniform returned dirty and ridden with bullet holes still fresh in their mind: hide the VALUABLES
steve, reaching over the rope to poke at something on display: it’s my goddamn stuff???
I’M SAYIN’, every single level of management at the Smithsonian must have had an extensively well-documented migraine after dealing with the colossal shitshow raised by such thrilling items as “sock (woolen)” pulled from the pack of one “Rogers, Steve G., 1918 – 1945 lol whoops he’s back″
like i said in my initial reblog… all the people building stories out of this make me laugh with delight, but smithsonian & dc museum people adding their tags give me LIFE
… also steven grant rogers would be KIND and COURTEOUS to the front-line museum staff and not ask them stupid questions and you will pry that headcanon from my cold dead hands thankyouverymuch
oh steven grant rogers is KIND and POLITE and CONSIDERATE to front-line museum staff, he will politely move himself to the side so he doesn’t cause traffic issues if he gets recognized and a couple kids want pictures, he apologizes to security for causing a scene (he didn’t mean to! he thought his baseball cap disguise would work, bless him). he returns his maps (sweet and so unnecessary but then one of the volunteers can take a map captain america used and will probably sign for them back to their grandkids so that’s nice). the docents LOVE him; he’s both a Nice Young Man and also from Back in Their Day.
the collections and conservation staff however have sworn a blood oath of pure vengeance against him and nothing he ever does will change their minds. the textile conservator (we’ll call her lorraine) who had to restore the old captain america suit spent THREE YEARS OF HER LIFE on that stupid thing and it’s still too unstable to ever exhibit again. lorraine went through FIVE INTERNS, two of whom CRIED ON HER. she had to spend a fourth year making a replica because everyone was writing their representatives that the captain america suit wasn’t on display and they MADE HER DO IT.
like if steve thought any debrief in wwii he ever had sucked lol try lorraine, who has given up trying to catalogue what the fuck happened to that piece of shit suit and finally tracked down his cell phone number after six months of this hell project out of sheer bloody mindness and desperation and tricks him into her office through a series of absolute goddamn lies about idk public programming or some shit that steve might actually care about and then corners him and makes him give her a play by play of what, exactly, the fuck he did to that suit.
cuz, okay, listen. blah blah save the world blah blah, but steven grant rogers* stole a priceless museum artifact, bled on it, set it on fire, dropped it into the potomac, dragged it (WHILE WET) through river mud and god knows how many plants and bugs and microbes, got melting plastic and metal and shrapnel and other people’s body juices and skin and hair embedded in it–the only reason he lives is because he can give the full and accurate account of what the fuck he did to it and answer questions of how the fuck it can be slightly, slightly unfucked. not saved! not made to look like it was! certainly not able to be put on a mannequin and exhibited again! but like she can get some more of the mud and that chunk of charred plastic out maybe. otherwise, lorraine would have murdered that dumb bitch in a fit of justifiable rage, and no amount of charming “sorry ma’am”s would fucking save him.
modern greek mythology adaptation where hades and persephone are played by john mulaney and his wife
She’s hades, he’s Persephone
Oh no, no. John Mulaney is 100% Hades.
Loves his wife
Is actually pretty chill except when it comes to stupid people
Can’t stand up for himself when others try to do him wrong
And from what we hear about her, she’s very Persephone.
Easy to underestimate
Knows her own mind
Will cut you
“So, I meet this wonderful lady. Just fantastic, my heart does that thing where it’s skipping beats, and I – all of you think I’m going to talk about how I suavely asked her out, and that is not what happened.
“I ride up in my chariot, and the first – this is literally the first thing I say to her is ‘do you want to meet my dog’?
“And this – I – this is a sign that this woman is my soul mate – she looks at her friends hanging around and says, ‘sure, catch you later, guys’.
“I’m going to skip forward here a couple of dates – no, don’t – this is not the story of how my wife met my dog – and her mom – her mom – finds out she’s seeing me. Now I know everyone jokes about how a girl’s dad is this big, hulking – going to hunt you down if you’re dating his daughter and he doesn’t like you. But if you say that, it’s because you’ve never had some girl’s mom glaring up at you from like – her mom’s like two inches taller than her, so this little furious glare from around my chin area, saying her daughter’s not allowed to come see me anymore.
“And this – okay, this is when I knew I was going to marry this girl, she looks at her mom and, cool as anything, says, ‘Too late, mom. I met his dog, ate dinner over here. I’m staying’.”
Following this post (months later because this got buried in my drafts lol), here’s some other things that are going to take DAV Anakin a lot of getting used to in the post-Empire galaxy:
The concept of regular time off. Not leave time, or the kind of spy “vacations” he and Kadee used to joke about, but just…leaving work at work and relaxing because…well, because he can. Not to recharge for the next mission, or to search for the will of the Force, or even for medical procedures. (“That’s what sick leave is for,” Leia tells him, more than once. “You have medical leave, and you have vacation time, and you have personal time. You can take time to just relax.”)
Having a salary. It’s not that Anakin doesn’t understand money. He used to do inventory for Watto and of course there’s a lot of accounting that goes into a war, so he’s actually quite good on that front. It’s just…never been his money before. He’s not quite sure what to do with it, after all the medical expenses and the food expenses and all the other necessities he hasn’t had to think about before are taken care of, and there’s still money left over. And it’s…a lot of money? Mainly because Leia insisted that the Republic would pay him at the same rate as its top military brass, which he still thinks is excessive, but every time he says that she glowers like she’s going to bring Palpatine back to life and then slowly murder him all over again with the strength of her eyes alone.
There are…a lot of choices. Choices for absolutely everything, even absurdly minor things like toothbrushes and laundry detergent. Choices are good, Anakin likes choices, sometimes they’re even exciting, but…sometimes capitalism is just exhausting.
Seriously, that salary thing. “They’re paying me more in one year than I’m worth at auction!” he snaps once in a frustrated thoughtless moment, and it will be years yet before he fully understands why Luke and Leia are so upset.
Saying no to a superior is actually an option now. If Mon Mothma asks if he’s available to cover a mission, and he says no, she’ll find someone else. Sometimes (okay, most of the time) she still has to place a strong emphasis on “if you’re available,” and sometimes she even has to remind him that he can say no. But she does remind him.
It’s not that he ever misses the damn mask, but sometimes he does kind of…forget that people can see his face now. That when he rolls his eyes during one of Admiral Brennan’s endless monologues, that’s not invisible anymore. (In fact, it takes him longer than it probably should to remember this consistently, and in the meantime Anakin’s array of snarky expressions during meetings become infamous among the rank and file of the Republic military and even many of the political staff. Simply put, there are memes. Intern Jan passes on the day’s schedule to Intern Marvash, who responds with a gif of Anakin miming slow death by boredom. It’s tagged #same.)
Sometimes, people flirt with him. This is not something Anakin’s ever actually had to deal with before – people generally respected Jedi vows under the Republic, and no one would ever have attempted to flirt with Darth Vader. Of course he did flirt with Padme, but that was always mutual and both of them were pretty earnest and direct people. It’s now been twenty years, four limbs, and full body third degree burns since Anakin even considered any of this, and the truth is, he wouldn’t consider it now, if not for Han directly pointing it out to him every time someone makes a pass at him. And, tbqh, for the longest time he thinks that Han is just trolling him. It takes Leia backing Han up to finally convince him that, okay, maybe the woman who wrote her com number on his napkin is interested. For some reason. He still can’t figure out why she would be. Leia and Luke, and even Han, look a little uncomfortable and oddly…sad?…when he says that, but they don’t really press.
Apparently, you need a permit for everything. This is also not something Anakin’s had to deal with before. “Jedi business” was pretty much carte blanche under the old Republic for everything from ignoring speed limits, to disregarding traffic controllers, to remaining blissfully unconcerned with trespassing ordinances. Darth Vader was accountable to his Master, often painfully so, but no one else was going to press him on the finer points of Coruscant traffic law. But now he needs a license to operate a speeder, and he has to pass a test to get that license. Anakin finds the test itself almost insulting, and Luke laughs at him for much longer than necessary. He cuts off abruptly, though, when Anakin points out that his Tatooine-raised Rebel pilot son also doesn’t have a proper Core World license.
Democracy. Democracy looks very different when you’re actually participating in it. Tatooine is a fully fledged member state of the Republic now, no longer a colony world. Change is still slow, though, and centuries of history don’t just disappear. But for the first time in his life, Anakin is a citizen. He and Luke cast their first ever ballots to elect Imer Moonspinner as Tatooine’s first ever senator. And, okay, maybe he helps the freedom network by calling in a few favors with a few contacts who take the necessary steps to ensure that the Hutts’ thugs won’t be able to prevent all of the newly freed people from voting, but that’s just…safeguarding democracy. He’s pretty sure that’s what Padme would call it. Leia approves, anyway, and that’s good enough for him. And when Imer wins the election and Anakin and Luke are there at her victory celebration, watching Kitster whirl her through the air as everyone around them laughs and cries at once, it feels…good. Like maybe they can actually change things. Of course, it’ll probably be only a few weeks before Imer is commiserating with Leia and Pooja about the still-all-too-corrupt Senate, but for now, the voice of the people has overpowered that of the Hutts, and that’s something to celebrate.
And maybe the biggest change of all: Anakin has a family, a surprisingly large family actually, and he doesn’t have to hide that from anyone anymore. There’s no law against him having a family, and no Master to threaten anyone he knows Anakin cares about. He can (and does) proudly talk to anyone about his amazing children Luke and Leia. He can reconnect with his brother Kitster and get to know Imer and their children. He can start to rebuild a relationship with the Naberries (Pooja first, probably). After a bit of rebuilding with Ahsoka, too, he can finally call her his sister and not have it feel like an immense terrible forbidden secret.
The first time he tells Mon Mothma he won’t be available for a mission because he already has plans with his family, she actually grins at him. It’s the largest smile he’s ever seen on her. “Good,” she says brusquely. “I’ll find someone else then. Enjoy your weekend with the family, Anakin.”
Because apparently I’m inspired:
The nice Sullustan man gives him a basic accounting datapad with templates to fill in, the kind they give brand new officers for whom this is their first real job. And Anakin is almost insulted. He’s not a shiny and he was helping his Mom balance Watto’s books when he was 7, for fuck’s sake, he knows how to manage money. But he uses the datapad, because why not, saves him the trouble of setting one up from scratch.
The first time he buys something that is not a necessity, or can be seen as a work supplies, let’s say it’s a piece of art he liked, or a racing magazine or something like that, he dutifully records the expense in his datapad, but he buries it in between the food shopping and the fuel (a few more credits for lunch here, a couple more litter of fuel there).
A few months later, someone, maybe one of the twins, maybe Ahsoka, maybe Kadee, sees him doing his accounting and notices something.
Them: Anakin, are you cooking your own book?
Anakin: …
Them: That are for your own record purposes?
Anakin, with all the dignity of a cat that just tripped and is pretending it didn’t: No.
I feel like it’s gotta be Ahsoka who catches him the act and calls him on it, because:
Kadee’s been watching him cook the numbers in reports to Palpatine for years, and that is basically her only experience with organics and their bookkeeping, so she doesn’t see anything unusual about Anakin’s recording methods.
Luke is still very much a boy from Tatooine and is probably taking this opportunity to make sure that Ahsoka will never get a glimpse of his ledger, which is also cooked to hide any and all evidence of personal preferences or “unnecessary” spending.
Leia is more amused by the realization of how he’s been keeping his books, but she also knew him first and primarily as a double agent, and therefore just assumes this is a holdover from those days, an ingrained pattern he’s never gotten out of. (Which it is…it’s just a much older pattern than she realizes.)
Han hears that Anakin’s been cooking his own books and just gives him a nod of respect, gutter kid to gutter kid.
Ahsoka looks around at all of them and comes to the horrifying realization that she may be the most well-adjusted person here.
Since this new Trek show is going to follow up with Picard ~20 years after his last onscreen appearance, I have decided that the only thing I want as Picard’s post-TNG canon is a Trek version of “Murder, She Wrote.”
Like, Picard is retired in an idyllic French village, spending his time crocheting and organizing bunco groups, and every time someone new shows up in the town, they end up dead in the vineyard. Naturally Picard has to Poirot it up, and the climax of each episode happens in his living room, with everyone sitting in his doily-covered armchairs so he can monologue about who the murderer is.
DarkestElemental616 