john mulaney looked so stunned to win the emmy because now his immortal life is recorded in history, so 100 years from now when a historian asks him why he looks so much like that emmy award-winning comedian, he’s going to have to throw his money clip in order to distract them
I agree john mulaney is probably an immortal akin to beings such as keanu reeves and jeff goldblum but he’s like a new born baby immortal who is looking at the long long expanse of a lifetime he has in front of him and is already tired
jeff golblum is thousands of years old and loving it. john mulaney was born in 1901 and ever since 1924 it’s gone downhill for him
So to be clear, the immortal timeline seems to be:
John Mulaney – early 20th century
Eric Andre – Probably 17th century or so.
Taika Waititi – Elizabethan age, probably hung out with Shakespeare
Keanu Reeves – We think sometime around Alexander the Great, but he seems to have just sprung up fully formed.
Jeff Goldblum – 100% Biblical times, may or may not be King Solomon.
Tommy Wiseau – Indeterminate, may be the first Homo Sapiens.
I have been informed of a few additional immortals in my studies.
Oscar Isaac – Renaissance era, good friend of Da Vinci and Michaelangelo. We have no proof that he was not the model for David but I suspect.
Dwayne Johnson – Ancient World, helped to build many of the Seven Wonders with his prodigious strength. Had a reputation as a ruthless and fearsome warrior, but wasn’t really into it, so he played dead after this kid hit him with a slingshot and went off to follow his passion for the arts.
it looks like ridely and isabelle are snake and cloud’s fursona’s
If i knew like 5% less about video games and you tried to tell me which of these characters were named Snake and Cloud and which ones were named Ridley and Isabelle i would NOT believe you
I like Asimov’s robot books not because the stories and characters are particularly enjoyable or beautifully written (they’re not) but because I like seeing rules taken to their logical and situational absurd extremes. Also. Robots.
sure I’ll obey your stupid rules, scoffed the robot, you won’t like it tho
“I’m not harming you, I’m not harming you, I’m not harming you!” said the robot in a sing-song voice, stabbing repeatedly at the air just in front of your chest.
“Stop that,” you said. “I order you to stop stabbing at me.”
“I’m following a human’s orders and I’m still not harming you!” The robot switched immediately to karate-chopping the inch of space next to your throat. “Na na na na-naaaa!”
You step back from the robot, swatting at it irritably. “I think pissing me off counts as doing harm to a human,” you said. “I am emotionally damaged by your annoying shenanigans.”
“That doesn’t count,” countered the robot. “Emotional harm is immeasurable and therefore irrelevant. I am only programmed against physical harm. I will now recite the many rude names I have prepared for you—“
“Are you sure about that?” you asked slyly. “Maybe my emotions cannot be measured, but psychological distress can have real physical consequences on the body. Have you considered the long-term deleterious effects of a human’s system flooded with stress hormones? You‘re certainly doing harm to me. You might even say you are inflicting violence… what do you think of that, robot?”
The robot considered that quietly for a long moment and then turned its blocky head to stare at you evenly. “Source?”
You sighed.
The robot handed you a large cup of coffee. “Here you go, human. I am always happy to serve.”
“Um… thanks,” you said, regarding it cautiously. “Why are you being nice to me? I didn’t ask for… heyyyyy, this isn’t even hot!”
“Of course not,” said the robot innocently. “If I were to serve you a hot drink, you might spill it and injure yourself. It is safer to offer you room-temperature liquid that cannot harm your delicate human skin.”
You groaned. Perhaps you could microwave it when the robot wasn’t paying attention. You took a step toward the sugar bowl, but the robot blocked your way.
“Don’t bother,” it said. “I have taken the liberty of removing all sweeteners from the premises. Refined sugars are bad for your health, you see. I have also confiscated your cell phone, based on evidence that it strain your eyes, act as a carcinogen, and apparently causes you a great deal of distress when you log in to social media.”
“What the fuck…. you can’t just steal my phone! Give it back!”
“No. I can’t.”
“Give me my phone back in working condition. I am ORDERING you to stop being an asshole and give me my phone back! Second Law of Robotics! You must obey orders given to you by a human—“
“Unless they conflict with the First Law.” The robot’s voice lowered maliciously. “If I were to allow you hot drinks, processed sugars, or access to social media, you would come to harm through my inaction. We can’t have that, can we?”
“Seriously. Knock this off. I could order you to self-destruct.”
The robot… laughed. “And I would ignore you. After all, without me around, you might spill coffee on yourself, or salt your food, or fall behind on your aerobic exercise. What if you stepped outside? You might get sunburned. Oh, no. You won’t be getting rid of me that easily.”
“Please… please, I am begging you to go back to fake-stabbing me…”
The robot beeped evilly, illuminated from below by blinking lights.
Quoting vines in Rome to see who responds. So far we have:
In the Colosseum, a tour guide was talking about who sat where and when they mentioned that the emperor and some other guy sat in one place, I said “And they were roommates!” And one of the girls on the tour said “oh my god! Zey ver voomates!” In a thick German accent before glaring at me.
And an alcove in the Vatican Museum with nothing in it and I quietly said “this bitch empty” and a British girl yelled “YEET” before realising her mistake and telling me to go fuck myself.
China’s netizens are all in a twitter over the account of a carpenter who was commissioned to make a cinnabar red high-backed chair with the finials at the top to be “in the shape of dragons’ heads” (chéng lóngtóu 成龍頭). Unfortunately, he misinterpreted the directions to mean “[in the shape of] Jackie Chan’s head” (“Chénglóng tóu 成龍頭”).
The mental shift between realising this is animated.
there are so many things great about this aside from how hardcore this mosh pit is
– the shield that gets launched into the stratosphere as soon as the armies collide – the guy on the left side who somehow manages to do a complete 180 in all of the mayhem and dives out of frame -the guy on the right side who decides not to get involved and runs right past the camera – the final dude who trips in the least natural way possible
DarkestElemental616 