Pick between “the time i killed a rat and tried to summon Satan to make me get better grades when i was 11” and “the time there were ‘hands’ in the walls” story
You want an untrue story? I have a million just lmk
RED WHAT THE EVERLOVING HECKITY HECK IS THE WALL HAND STORY
So: the year is 2010, me and my two siblings are sleeping in one 6 x 8 room together, and my brother is like five or six.
One night he gets up and he’s like “there are hands in the walls!”
Naturally all of us went “tf does that mean???” and kinda ignored it as normal kid nightmares.
The next night he did the same thing. And the night after that. And the night after that. And then i also started hearing this….tapping and scraping noise from inside the wall.
(i assumed it was from the heater. Go figure.)
So the bathroom in that house was right next to our bedroom, right? And i’m me, meaning i read a lot and don’t like curfews, which ultimately meant that I used to sit in thr bathroom reading until my parents figured out what i was doing and took my books and kicked me out for however long they managed to get me to stay out. And iirc that was before we started redoing the bathroom so there was this like kinda nasty tile and kinda nasty bathtub and, well, yeah.
So i get into my book and I start focusing and i wind up hyperfocused, no surprise there.
And then a rat crawled out of the bathtub drain and ran under the sink, and on its way there it got close enough to actively distract me. I stg i nearly had a heart attack.
Turns out the “hands” in the walls ware a whole bunch of mice and rats we didn’t know were there LMFAO
….okay, you can’t just not tell the trying to summon Satan story now, how can it even compete?
I fucked up my hands today, so i’ll do it tomorrow, but, if you want a v rough overview: 11 year old steals power tools, kills rat For The Summoning™, lights fire with aforementioned stolen power tools, falls in pond, sneaks back inside, goes to sleep, pretends innocence in the morning
there’s always that jerk named kevin that shows up in cartoons
it’s a bitch name
anyone remember the kevin story
What is the Kevin story?
someone once made a legendary post on reddit, asking who is the dumbest person youve ever met. Kevin wasn’t special needs or anything, but he sure was one interesting character. the gist of it can be found in these bullet points:
“
It was by some incredible fluke that his family hadn’t been wiped off
the face of the Earth years ago. Odds are his entire heritage was based
on blind luck and some type of sick divine intervention that saves his
family every time a threat presents itself. Kevin was the genetic
pinnacle of this null achievement….So here’s a list of events that made it abundantly clear that god exists and he’s laughing uncontrollably:”
Kevin
ate an entire 24 pack of crayons, puked, and then did it again the next
day. This is 9th grade. I have no idea where he got crayons.
Kevin’s
dad wrote tuition checks and mailed them to me…his English teacher.
This was a public school. When I gave it back to Kevin, voided, to give
to his dad with a brief note explaining that this is a public school,
Kevin got in trouble for trying to spend it at 711 after school.
Kevin was removed from the culinary arts program after leaving a cutting board on the gas stove and starting a fire….twice
Kevin threw his lunch at the School Resource Officer and tried to run away. He ran into a door and insisted it wasn’t him.
Kevin
stole my phone during class. I called it. It rang. He denied that it
was ringing. (Not that it wasn’t his, not that he did it…..no, he
denied that the phone was actually ringing). He tried it three times
before the end of the year.
Kevin
called the basketball coach a “Motherfucking Bitch” during gym.
Basketball tryouts were that afternoon. Kevin tried out. It didn’t go
well.
Kevin’s
mom could never remember which school he went to. She missed several
meetings because she drove to other schools (none of which he ever went
to)
Kevin tazed himself in the neck before a football game
Kevin
kept a bottle of orange koolaide in his backpack for about 4 months. He
thought it would turn into alcohol. He drank it during homeroom and
threw up.
Kevin said the N-word a lot. Kevin was white. The highschool was 84% black. Kevin got beat up a lot.
Kevin stole another student’s Iphone….and tried to sell it back to them.
Kevin
didn’t understand that his grade was dependent on tests, quizzes,
homework, classwork, and participation. Kevin finished his first
semester with a 3% average. He tried to bribe me with $11.
Kevin spit on a girl and said “You should get out of those wet clothes”. The girl was the Spanish Student Teacher.
Kevin tried to download porn onto a computer in the library…..at the circulation desk….while he was logged on.
Kevin
asked a girl to prom (he was in 9th grade and freshmen don’t go to
prom) by asking for her phone number and then texting her his address
Kevin got gum in his hair, constantly.
Kevin
regularly tried to cheat on assignments by knocking the pile over,
grabbing one before I had picked them all up, and then writing it name
on it wherever there was room.
Kevin
had several allergies, but neither his parents nor he could remember
what they were. They were very concerned that “the holiday party” would have peanuts. When they finally
got a doctor’s note….he was allergic to amoxicillin
Kevin
and his parents took a trip to Nassau and forgot all their luggage at home. I didn’t believe
him when he told me until I talked to him mom, who told me 1st thing
when I saw her at the bi-weekly meeting.
Kevin’s grandfather apparently died in a chainsaw accident. I can only assume God was looking the other way that day.
Pick between “the time i killed a rat and tried to summon Satan to make me get better grades when i was 11” and “the time there were ‘hands’ in the walls” story
You want an untrue story? I have a million just lmk
RED WHAT THE EVERLOVING HECKITY HECK IS THE WALL HAND STORY
So: the year is 2010, me and my two siblings are sleeping in one 6 x 8 room together, and my brother is like five or six.
One night he gets up and he’s like “there are hands in the walls!”
Naturally all of us went “tf does that mean???” and kinda ignored it as normal kid nightmares.
The next night he did the same thing. And the night after that. And the night after that. And then i also started hearing this….tapping and scraping noise from inside the wall.
(i assumed it was from the heater. Go figure.)
So the bathroom in that house was right next to our bedroom, right? And i’m me, meaning i read a lot and don’t like curfews, which ultimately meant that I used to sit in thr bathroom reading until my parents figured out what i was doing and took my books and kicked me out for however long they managed to get me to stay out. And iirc that was before we started redoing the bathroom so there was this like kinda nasty tile and kinda nasty bathtub and, well, yeah.
So i get into my book and I start focusing and i wind up hyperfocused, no surprise there.
And then a rat crawled out of the bathtub drain and ran under the sink, and on its way there it got close enough to actively distract me. I stg i nearly had a heart attack.
Turns out the “hands” in the walls ware a whole bunch of mice and rats we didn’t know were there LMFAO
….okay, you can’t just not tell the trying to summon Satan story now, how can it even compete?
not that it really matters but some people seem to think that this is a pokestop and not a gym. i am here to confirm that it is in fact a gym and i do plan on conquering it.
DarkestElemental616 