I’m Gonna Be (500 miles) is honestly just such a pure, solid good song. The lyrics are cute af and actually resemble a long-term committed and happy relationship and to top it all off you can scream ‘DAHDADADA’ and the top of your lungs in a pub and someone will scream it back to you.
ADHD is weird because rejection sensitive dysphoria is almost like having an ~unlockable bonus level~ of forbidden emotions that aren’t accessible during normal, day to day living. You can be relatively easygoing and stable and process your feelings reasonably and then – WHOOPS! – seemingly out of nowhere comes a complete meltdown in response to some minor failure and you have to drag yourself out of sight as your legs stop responding and you’re flooded with emotional pain that manifests as physical agony.
There’s normal distress in response to reasonable stresses, which sucks, and then there’s Tornado Sirens And Flashing Lights As Your Brain Declares An Emergency Evacuation because a bug walked across your small but unexpectedly hypersensitive vulnerability.
Tbh? Yeah.
Like I don’t even want to call it “sadness” or “depression” or “panic” or “disappointment” because I’ve felt those things and they suck, but they’re different. I can usually work through them and deal with them somewhat pragmatically. But RSD is like this sudden, incapacitating glitch where my brain accidentally releases every unpleasant chemical at once, and all attempts to fix it result in pop ups of Dennis Nedry from Jurassic Park:
oh my god this is a horrifyingly accurate description of RSD, which for me has the added fun of feeling like I am entirely covered in severe contact skin allergy rashes both on my actual skin (the amount of physical that this manifests as is BONKERS AS FUCK) and also IN MY EMOTIONS. because my GODDAMN EMOTIONS are PATHOLOGICALLY ALLERGIC to like, someone declining an offer to hang out, or my boss telling me “please only tag clearance items on the left side of the package”, or someone writing an angry rebuttal to a joke tweet that I had earlier clicked the like button on, or whatever.
so then it’s like forty times harder to do things that make me anxious, like Ask People To Do Things With Me, or See If I Have Made An Error In Any Interpersonal Relationship, because in ADDITION to having REGULAR GRADE ANXIETY, I also live with the constant terror of HAVING TO EXPERIENCE FULL-BODY HOT TINGLING BRAIN RASHES (or, Shame If Shame Were Also A Severe Burning Skin Allergy) if the thing goes badly! bonus: apologising for a small fuck-up RE-IGNITES THE SENSATION THAT I GOT FROM DOING THE SMALL FUCK-UP THE FIRST TIME which makes me seem like an asshole who doesn’t want to say “sorry” while I’m trying to get my brain to get on board with plans that aren’t “what if we never look this event in the face ever again and both agree to just hide” so my apology typically has to buffer for a minute. cool and fun, would recommend.
Okay so, I have this possibly helpful tip/product for trans guys. I know it might seem like a small thing but often with trans dudes the smallest things can make a huge difference.
So, basically I found these underwear (made by Hanes) that are technically women’s underwear but they just look like boxers. (heres a picture)
Now, the reason I’m highly recommending these is because they’re made to fit a female body. The inside even has a place you can put a pad so you don’t have to wear those girly panties for a week each month (if that applies to you, it’s a definite plus). Not to mention they’re affordable (i found a two-pack on sale for 5$) and, since they’re technically women’s underwear, it might be easier to slide by the lesser-supportive parents and the like.
Again, this seems like a really small and dumb thing, but dysphoria’s a bitch and I know y’all just want somethin’ comfy between you and those jeans.
If a neurotypical asks you, “What game are you playing?” they’re not asking you to describe the game.
They’re asking you if they can play too.
If a neurotypical asks you, “What are you watching?” they’re not asking you to explain the plot of the movie/tv show to them.
They’re asking if they can watch it with you.
.
When neurotypicals ask you “What are you doing?”
What you think they’re asking: “Please explain to me what you are doing.”
What they’re actually asking: “Can I join you?”
Now here’s the really fucked up part. If you start explaining to them what you’re doing? They will interpret that as a rejection.
What you think you’re saying: [the answer to their question]
What they think you’re saying: This is an elite and exclusive activity for a level 5 friend and you are a level 1 acquaintance. You are not qualified to join me because you don’t know all this stuff. Go away.
.
This is why neurotypicals think you’re being cold and antisocial.
IT’S ALL A HORRIBLE MISCOMMUNICATION.
I didn’t realize, even thought it took me almost three decades to learn this, that this was such a paradigm changing realization until we had our conversation today.
But it really really is. One of the most bewildering realizations I’ve had is most people don’t talk to learn things unless its related to work or directly towards their own hobbies, all the words and questions are bonding questions if done socially. They are “lets make friends” questions.
So if I answer their question without an opportunity for the person asking the question to give a response or to join in somehow, the asker feels alienated and starts shutting down.
Example: what are you reading?
True answer but not what they’re looking for: Title of book
Best answer for social scenarios where I want to retain/create friendship: This book is about x and y but it has z that i know u have an interest in too.
Example: what are you doing?
True answer but not: drawing
Best answer for friends: I’m drawing but would u like company while I’m working?
And sometimes frankly I’m not in a headspace where I can process people so the answer is something like, “I would like to do something in a day or later, do you want to plan something?”
Tldr: communication is wierd
HOLY
SHIT
that explains so fucking much thank you
(why the fuck do neurotypicals never just day what they mean ie hey this show looks cool mind if I join you)
Further annoying?
They don’t realize that’s what they’re asking and they just feel rejected and go away. So you can’t even ask them what you did wrong because they can’t even put a finger on why they feel the way they do they just know you made them feel bad for some undefined reason.
DarkestElemental616 