A haunted doll mistaking a creepy android to be a bigger, stronger, haunted doll, and the creepy android mistaking the haunted doll as a smaller, sassier android.
Android: [gets hit with rain water and short circuits] Haunted Doll: H̷O̷L̴Y̷ ̶W̵A̷T̸E̷R̶ ̵W̴A̵T̴C̵H̴ ̶O̶U̷T̴
Haunted Doll, dying: N̶E̵E̸D̷ ̷S̸O̵U̵L̸S̷ Android: [opens the haunted doll’s back and replaces the batteries] Haunted Doll: A̶C̶C̷E̷P̸T̶A̷B̸L̵E̴ ̷S̴U̴B̸S̵T̸I̷T̷U̴T̵E̴
Android: [transfers their data into a better body] Haunted Doll: A̸ ̵F̴L̸A̷W̵L̷E̴S̵S̷ ̷B̶O̸D̶Y̵ ̷P̶O̵S̶S̵E̷S̶S̵I̷O̷N̴
I would love to see this movie or story. A creepy looking android that gained sentience and on the run decides to adopt this weird tiny abandoned android which is a haunted doll. They have some cute adventures where the android is all protective and caring to their new friend in their own way and the doll is trying to teach this giant doll how to use his ghost powers in that body and murdering people who pose a threat to them. Maybe complaining about how technologically advanced has changed the world so much and how they feel lost in it despite being here for so long. At best the android thinks the doll is talking about becoming obsolite, and at worst (but funnier) they think the doll is saying how they are literally lost and tells them they have gps so they can take them to where they want to go and the doll is just like this dumb new haunted doll…I gotta protect and nurture it before it dies from it’s naivette. Meanwhile an excorsist and some retrieval squad are tracking them down and they argue about what they’re going up against. Most of the retrieval squad don’t believe in the supernatural and thinks they found another defective android and the excorsist doesn’t understand technology that great so just assumes he’s dealing with two possessed items.
Exorcist: The power of Christ compels you Android: Error 666 Exorcist, crying: THE POWER OF CH
bc i’m tired of seeing christmas fic written about jewish characters! anyway here are some prompt ideas, goy inclusive even. anyone is free to use/rb!
It’s an hour until first night candle lighting. Person A and Person B reach for the last pack of candles at the store at the same time
The neighborhood loses power. Person A, who is not Jewish, sees that their neighbor Person B has a lot of candles going and stops in for some light. (Surprise! It’s Channukah!)
Somehow person A gets roped into cooking all the latkes for a Channukah party, which is fine, until Person B decides to tell them they’re making them wrong. OR person B starts eating too many OR Person B causes a huge mess
There are accusations of dreidel cheating—which means Person A and Person B have to play with someone else’s dreidel and an audience for bragging rights. Trash talking encouraged.
Person A, a goy, was invited to Person B’s Channukah party but Person B didn’t think they’d attend—now it’s Channukah and Person A clearly has no idea what’s going on and it’s kind of endearing how clueless they are
“Your latkes gave me food poisoning” “no it was the horrid sour cream you insisted on putting on my perfectly good latkes”
You accidentally caught your Christmas sweater on fire at my Channukah party while inspecting the channukiah. we put it out immediately and I’m trying not to laugh but oh no you think I’m laughing at you, not at the ridiculousness of the situation
This is a Bring Your Own Channukiah party what do you mean you didn’t bring a Channukiah/candles i guess we can share
“Channukah is about the miracle of the oil” “Channukah is about military victory” “Channukah is about eating fried foods, clearly”
you got sufganiyot jelly all over your shirt and now you need to borrow something of mine to wear this could get awkward
The big reveal of your monster hunting game is that all monsters in all cultures have actually been this one immortal asshole who travels the world using their special effects skills to fuck with everyone
The international criminal just got away with it yet again and the angry FBI agent goes
FBI Agent: You maybe gotten away with it this time but I will get you. No matter where you go, what you do I will be watching you. Sooner or later you will slip up
Lawyer: How dare you? This is clear harassment. I will
International criminal(who has a huge crush on her FBI agent): Shut up. She can follow me anywhere she likes. Like for example I am going to the theater tonight. So many rich people. Who knows what might happen. You better keep a close eye on me. Oh look I just happen to have an extra ticket
Confused FBI Agent:...Ok
Next week:
International Criminal:
So I am going to this cute Mexican resort for the weekend. Who knows what shady people I could be making deals with. Better follow me to make sure. And look there just happens to a vacant room right next to mine. Better book it quickly
FBI Agent: What the fuck?
Next week
International Criminal: So I am going to this French restaurant tonight. So many rich people. Better come keep an eye on me
FBI Agent: You are aware that we are not dating right?
International Criminal: Of course not. I booked us a table under Scully and Mulder. I thought it would be fun
Next week
International Criminal:
I am going to Paris. Do you want the window seat?
FBI Agent: Again we are not dating. I am hunting you down just waiting for you to slip up
International Criminal:
So…
FBI Agent: Of course I want the window seat
Next week
International Criminal:
Boy the Louvre sure is crowded. So many tourists. I can easily slip away from you and do some crime. Better hold my hand to make sure I don’t get away
FBI Agent: I will kill you
Twenty Years Later
International Criminal:
I am going to the store. Better follow me to make sure I don’t steal anything
FBI Agent: We have been married for fifteen years. When are you going to stop this?
International Criminal:
Never
And of course they are played by Amy Acker and Sarah Shahi
Use intellect devourers to posses the low level members of rival organizations, then have them kidnap their superiors and use intellect devourers on them. Rinse and repeat, until your dramatic confrontation is you, alone, staring them and their entire organization down, waiting till they’re done gloating, then snapping your fingers and at watching their entire army turn on them.
i want a horror movie where instead of screaming in fear the main character is constantly cursing like THIS IS BULLSHIT and WHAT FUCKERY IS THIS, and screaming for help like WHERE THE FUCK IS EVERYONE, GET YOUR USELESS ASSES OVER HERE AND HELP ME THIS FUCKER HAS A CHAINSAW
They find a book written in Latin… one guy doesn’t take Latin and doesn’t want to mess up the pronunciation. The girl is studying Mandarin. Another guy recommends sticking it into Google Translate but that’s likely to land them with gibberish. They leave it alone.
The car won’t start. They call an Uber.
The vampire captures the girl and insists that she wears the gown to dinner. The gown is actually hella cute. Only problem is it’s not in her size. Oh, it only comes in 2’s and 4’s? Sorry, vamp, you want me in that dress you contact the goddamn company and tell them to get their shit together.
“How did you possibly know that? It saved our lives!” “I’ve got two degrees and I spend way too much time on Wikipedia.”
They encounter a spirit that gains power the more people believe in it. One girl makes a vine and uploads with, “fakest ghost ever!!! Right??” Twenty minutes later the spirit is destroyed.
The circus is in town tonight. Except she’s lived her whole life here and the circus has never come before… it’s also in a pretty sketchy part of town, not somewhere you’d want to walk alone at night. She goes to a movie instead.
“You’d need an ARMY to fight this evil!” “Okay. I’ve got 20,000 followers, lets see how many can make it.”
The Evil Whispery Voice of Doom tells the jock that it’s going to kill his pretty blonde girlfriend. The jock gets offended because, excuse me, Cindy and I are just friends. However, Marty over there is my boyfriend and I’m not saying you should kill him, just stop making assumptions yeah?
“This spirit tried to convince me it was Jerry when it texted but its texting style is COMPLETELY DIFFERENT so yeah that didn’t work.”
We could have easily gotten lost and ended up at some creepy cabin in the woods, but luckily we all had functioning GPSs. Beach party, we’ve arrived!
“We have to find a way to destroy it! We—what are you doing?” “Looking up ‘exorcising demons’ on Google. Oh look, first hit.”
The child she bares will be the devil’s spawn. Good thing she doesn’t want kids. Or if she changes her mind she can always adopt.
“How can we possibly outwit this serial killer…” “… There’s gotta be an app for that. Lemme look.”
Only the virgin will survive… Turns out they’re all virgins. One is asexual. One wants to wait until marriage. Two just haven’t found the right person yet. One is meh about sex. So we all survive, yeah?
The girl does not fall. She was on varsity track.
“Quick! We need someplace to hide the artifact. And then decoys to confuse the beast! What have we got?” “… I’ve got a hundred plastic bags stuffed into another plastic bag.” “PERFECT.”
i would pay to read a book of a collection of modern horror stories
They’re trapped in a haunted cabin one of them inherited from a Weird UncleTM. Mysterious figures, things going flying, screams and drumbeats and chanting, blood pouring down the walls, the whole bit. They pull out the Ouija Board.
“BRO, WHAT IS YOUR DEAL?”
S…A…C…R…E…D…L…A…N…D
“Oh.”
“Oh geez. Oh no. This is Native American land. Oh goodness I am SO sorry.”
“Um so, like I inherited this property and a couple acres, can I like…donate it?”
W…H…A…T
“Yeah man like, what tribe are you? I don’t want to live here, this cabin is grody and Uncle Tim was a fuckin’ weirdo. It’s your guys’ land, just like, what tribe?”
C..H…U…M…A…S…H
“Cool. Uh, I guess we’ll…call them…in the morning?”
T…H…A…N…K…Y…O…U GOODBYE
“Oh. Well fuck, like, that was easy.”
I was all set to dislike this when I saw the title, thinking it was gonna be another bashing of my generation post… then boom! Talk about saving the day!
“How did you possibly know that? It saved our lives!” “I’ve got two degrees and I spend way too much time on Wikipedia.”
man i had a dream that magic was discovered in the near future
but it was like. shitty unbalanced fantasy magic. like within a few weeks people had wikis and guides up on how to glitch in immortality potions and time spells. people are just tossing homemade black holes around. i looked on the news and saw some speedrunner made it to the edge of the universe
DarkestElemental616 