I bet this is like the basis of their relationship, though. Rebel command is like, alright go and face certain death doing xzy task. It will be difficult and you have to go fast. Luke is like “pffffff I did that at home so many times only the target was smaller. And moving. And I really couldn’t see that well because sand. This is gonna be cake, guys. CAKE.” Wedge’s reaction the first couple times, even after the death star, is basically that picture. But eventually he’s like sweet space jesus what terrible planet are you from that you keep telling me all these nigh impossible tasks are cake? Everyone’s like oh skywalker is a softie. He’s a squishy ball of love and sunshine, and wedge is like yeah. That is all extremely true but he is also MADE OF TEMPERED DEATH.
(After like the first 3 times Luke starts messing with Wedge. He’s like they want us do run these cables to the bottom of that extremely ominous cravasse? I did that one time when I was five, and uncle owen had me wire the relays with my toes because we had to shoot down this pack of anoobas that were trying to kill us and eat us. Wedge is just like that can’t be true, and yet…)
I really hope Wedge is still alive so that Rey can be all “On my crappy desert planet…” and Wedge can be all “OH GOD NOT AGAIN.”
Anyway it’s late and I’m emotionally exhausted from dealing with my extended family but please consider star wars and star trek take place in the same universe in different galaxies far far away from each other
they’re called the “unknown regions” because the people of a GFFA can’t fathom a place where people have transcended war and moved on to scientific exploration
Okay, so one day a wormhole opens or they invent reliable transwarp or some shit and the ST galaxy makes contact with SW, and… gets confused.
Like, how the flying FUCK did humans get all the way out here? Those are definitely humans. I mean, sure, they’ve met a surprising number of convincingly lookalike species but there is a level of genuinely magnificent weirdness that only humans manage on this kind of regular basis. Did the humans know about this all along? No, all the ST-galaxy and SW-galaxy humans seem sincerely mystified. And then the Force comes up and nobody believes it COME ON WE CALL BULLSHIT THERE IS NO MAGIC MIND FORCE OKAY and then they see it demonstrated by a SW-galaxy human and obviously there’s something there and suddenly every non-human on the exploratory vessel is a believer, even the Vulcans. The humans are all ‘what, no, this is bullshit’ and all the others are all ‘NO THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH’ and trying to explain to the non-human SW-galaxy people about humans and they just do the WEIRDEST SHIT and somehow it works out and they violate the laws of physics like there’s no tomorrow and now suddenly it all makes perfect sense, and of course all said non-humans are all ‘yeah, humans are fucking crazy amirite, I mean some of us can learn to use the Force too, but HUMANS, man, you wouldn’t believe the shit they get up to.’ And the whole First Contact devolves into about twelve non-human species trading Wacky Human Stories for hours while two sets of mysteriously genetically identical humans argue about the existence of the Force until an all-out brawl is only derailed by the discovery that there are multiple new forms of booze to try out and LET’S DRINK TO FRIENDSHIP.
Sorry, I’m not up to date on the details of Star Wars outside the movies, but was R2-D2, like, Leia’s droid between the Prequels and the Original Trilogy? Whatever the case, I think I might need it to happen in a crack fic.
Because I’ve suddenly imagined R2-D2 accompanying Leia to her Senate meetings. In reality, it would probably be very dangerous for R2 and Leia. But I think it would be perfect for a crack fic.
Like, just imagine if Leia and R2 are just strolling around the halls of the Senate, with Leia ranting to R2 about something or other. And then bump into an older Senator by accident. And at first it’s all pleasantries and apologies, but then the older Senator takes one look at R2, turns a color that is not a good color for their people to turn, and then says in utter horror, “IT’S YOU!”
Because surely there must be older Senators out there from before the Empire, who remember that horrible little nightmare droid who tailed those awful Jedi around and occasionally Senator Amidala. (Like, there must be people out there who witnessed R2 blow up a building or even straight-up kill someone.)
And Leia’s like, “What? You know my droid?”
And the Senator’s got a hand over their heart, both to soothe themselves and a little protectively, and says, “My dear, I couldn’t forget that thing if I was dead. That’s the little bastard who set me on fire! Granted, it was an accident and it saved Senator Amidala’s life again, but still. She was far too fond of it! That and that debonair Jedi it belonged to!”
And Leia lights up immediately because oho, this is interesting. Meanwhile R2 is basically swearing up a storm trying to push her away. And the Senator has an expression on their face like, “Oh, damn, I shouldn’t have said that.”
Anyway, Leia accidentally figures out who her parents were because R2 is a memorable asshole that old politicians still see in their nightmares.
I want either that crack fic or an even crackier fic that goes like this:
Darth Vader: *walking down a hall in the Senate building, annoyed af that the Emperor is making him be here to intimidate people for some vote or another, scrolling clickbait quizzes or ship commercials on his datapad*
The sound of something clattering comes from ahead. Darth Vader looks up and sees a droid getting kicked out of a conference room, beeping explicitly and indignantly over just being lost, at the far end of the hall. The droid looks down the hall at Darth Vader. It’s unmistakably R2-D2.
Darth Vader: “…”
R2-D2: “…”
R2: *backs up one inch*
Vader: *takes one step forward*
R2: *SCREAMS*
R2-D2 whirls around immediately and flees around the corner. Vader is too surprised to immediately stop his old droid, but drops the datapad and books it after him (as much as DV can book it). What proceeds is probably a Star Wars version of the Benny Hill chase between R2-D2 and Darth Vader.
It ends in R2, covered in soot and scratches, barely managing to get away after causing enormous amounts of mayhem and property damage.
Leia: “There you are! Artoo, where have you been?”
R2: *beeps* (translation: “Out.”)
So uh
Excellent. This is exactly what I wanted.
But have you considered:
Vader almost undoubtedly understands Binary, and as Anakin had a history of treating droids as people. As such, he can carry on a full-on conversation with Artoo.
Leia, meanwhile, is the tremendously cleaver and highly mischievous daughter of a high-level Rebel operative who despite all his love and admiration for his daughter has to persist in keeping secrets from her, and would totally value, seek out, and keep quiet regarding the sorts of skills that would help her obtain more information than is readily forthcoming.
I.e. she would also learn Binary, and not let anybody know this but the droids she converses with.
What I’m getting at is: Vader encountering Artoo in the halls of the Senate, having a chase and a Basic/Binary argument about past history and its utter irrelevance save as it applies to suspicious behavior (on Vader’s part) and how Anakin-Vader is a complete prat who did So Much Shit and is on the Shit List (on Artoo’s part)—
—and the pair of them being so totally wrapped up in an argument over the comparative merits and lack thereof of the Jedi, the Sith, the Republic, the Empire, the Rebellion, and the man who used to be Anakin Skywalker (complete with cornering attempts and the occasional thrown/flung object) that neither of them notice Junior Senator from Alderaan Princess Leia of the House of Organa slipping into the room after her wandering droid and hearing the whole thing.
I’m no longer holding Star Trek or Star Wars “accountable” for their clunky-looking sixties-and-seventies future technology.
Why?
Because the Enterprise is off on a years-long voyage through space. There’s no Verizon store, no Radio Shack, no Geek Squad out there. If the Klingons fire photon torpedoes and the bridge shakes and Spock’s head bangs against the fancy iPad72 touchscreen and cracks the glass, the ship’s toast. If Han Solo’s fingerprints get all over the starchart and the touch-calibration is off by half a centimeter, the Falcon is going right into a star. But if Mister Worf accidentally twists the command knob too hard and pops it off, he can just screw that thing right back on and it will keep working. Dust gets in there? Take it apart and clean it out. All the plugs are big and universal, all the power cells are functional and have a decent battery life, and nothing is built to expire in the next six months so you have to buy a new one.
That tech isn’t anachronistic or suffering a bad case of Zeerust–it’s practical, effective, and it works. Apple tried launching its own space exploration craft, it had to come back for full repairs within three months, and then it had to be upgraded over the next two.
But this? This is just good, long-lasting, fully-functional, and reliable craftsmanship.
The actual real-life space shuttles’ electronics looked pretty much like that for their entire lifespan and this is exactly why.
DarkestElemental616 