So, a while back I saw a claim about one of the Robin’s height that really threw me off. My first thought was ‘oh man, really? that Robin was super TINY’ and then a few moment’s later I realized that considering Batman is 188(6′2′’)ish there was no way that Robin could be that height because that would mean that they only came up to his hip, which… we’ve got some small Robin’s but not THAT small. I was pretty curious how tall they actually were so I tried to look it up, but sadly only a characters current stats are available (if even that *cough* Carrie Kelly *cough*). At this point, it’s really bugging me so I decided to look. though a lot of the early comics to try and see if I could figure it out.
dc movie that’s about gotham crime lords, right, and the main villain is black mask, and the only bat you see is robin (stephanie brown) who keeps showing up to stop plans and stuff and sometimes you see, like, batman’s shadow but it’s mostly robin, okay. but the whole movie is mostly about crime lords in gotham, starring units such as eel o’brian, red hood, and matches malone. the kicker is that unless you’re a comic fan who knows anything about matches then you don’t know that it’s bruce until, like, the end. there’s a scene where robin’s beating up crime lords and then red hood busts out like WHAT and robin just. stops and stares and jason’s like “shoo” and she just. leaves. lol. also in the end black mask kidnaps her and then matches and eel rescue her and eel reveals he’s plastic man and steph and matches are like “wtf”. i just think it’d be neat i guess
hello, are you aware you’ve sent me the most amazing possible ask? let’s just consider what Bruce’s must look like to people who don’t Know about the Batman thing
okay, so. let’s start with Bruce. tragic orphan of beloved local rich people who died in a dramatic murder – obvious bait for the news cycle. the Gotham news cycle eat, sleeps, breathes, and shits the Wayne case for a while, and would kill to talk to little Bruce. Alfred VEHEMENTLY ensures that doesn’t happen, and keeps Bruce out of the public eye for as long as he can.
he starts resurfacing as he hits puberty, though, because that’s when Bruce starts getting weird but hasn’t quite learned to hide it yet. to quote myself: “tragic teen orphan Bruce Wayne insists on increasing Wayne Enterprises philanthropic efforts, Wayne heir rumored to have been caught in raid on underground fight club, wild child Wayne heir spotted rappelling down Wayne Enterprises corporate headquarters ‘for fun.’”
Bruce started picking up a reputation as a goodhearted but slightly stupid, thrill-seeking kind of kid fairly early on. he wasn’t displeased about this, since he knew he’d need a cover story when he became whatever it was he was going to become to bring justice to the city.
however, he didn’t really become a News Magnet until he came back from college and started a.) taking a more active role in Wayne Enterprises and b.) having week-long publicity flings with a series of models and actresses to enhance his party boy image. (he was really overcompensating that first year.) he started playing up the stupidity, making quirky comments to reporters who ate it up. Generous But Naive Billionaire Bruce Wayne began to emerge.
then he spontaneously adopted some acrobat boy whose parents got murdered in front of him and people WENT CRAZY. a 24 year old who was dramatically orphaned adopting a young child who was also dramatically orphaned out of the goodness of his heart? how precious!
Dick also contributed to making the Wayne family popular subjects, because unlike Bruce, he wasn’t acting. he’s actually just that charismatic and camera ready. there are countless youtube clips of baby Dick Grayson, dressed in impeccable little suits, chatting away happily to reporters who are suddenly wondering if they can adopt him themselves. plus, you know, sometimes he’d start doing handstands on tables in the middle of charity events, and that’s always fun.
then Dick hit puberty, was the star of his school’s gymnastics team, and became something of a local Teen Heartthrob™.
and then Bruce Wayne adopts this whole-ass SECOND CHILD, some poor kid from right here in Gotham! what a nice guy! what a family man! ladies, is that an eligible bachelor or what???
the local Gotham news stations take it as like. a personal affront that sweet Gotham boy Bruce Wayne is still single. the almost-wedding with Selina was the Event of the Year. Megan and Harry who? nobody in Gotham cares, that’s for fucking sure. there were nearly riots in the streets when it was called off. Bruce got letters of condolence from complete strangers.
and. AND THEN. the second adopted son DIES MYSTERIOUSLY on a trip overseas??? which is when the Internet Conspiracy Nuts™ come out in force. what the fuck is that weird billionaire with no day job doing with these kids?
Bruce doesn’t murder but whenever he stumbles onto one of those message boards he considers it.
and then there’s a third!!! fucking!!! kid!!! where does he even keep finding them??
“haha, man, Bruce Wayne adopts orphans like Batman hires new Robins” some chucklehead party-goer says while Tim sweats in the background
and then. and THEN. the fucking headline to end all headlines. out of NOWHERE Bruce Wayne just. has a fucking ten year old son??? who’s snarky and serious and talks to everyone in way that’s vaguely aristocratic in its condescension. Gotham tabloids spend a good year and a half trying to pinpoint the mother and boy do they have some fucking candidates.
Damian is as much as a natural for media exposure as Dick, although in totally different ways. he loves getting fawned over (although he pretends he doesn’t, because his siblings will never let him hear the end of it) and enjoys feeding them all wildly different stories for the drama of it all.
not to mention there’s this, like, inexplicable gaggle of other teens who just??? materialize around Bruce? Barbara Gordon, okay, she’s the commissioner’s kid, she and Dick grew up together and everyone knows they’ve been a Thing. and the blonde girl who’s always shoving the hors d’oeuvres in her purse, right, that’s Tim’s girlfriend. but who’s the nice dark haired girl that doesn’t talk? the girl with the blue hair and the suits (who becomes an overnight hit on gay twitter)? the kid with the fade who seems as baffled as everyone else about being here? where do these kids come from
honestly the people in the DC universe probably joke about Bruce’s adoption habit as much as we do here in our universe
I wouldn’t say they’re celebrities, exactly, but the kids and especially Bruce are all Known, which can be… inconvenient, sometimes. Bruce can explain getting caught having lunch with, say, Diana Prince and Clark Kent – highly respected ambassador/advocate for women and respected journalist, sure – but who the fuck is Barry Allen?
Dick has an unreal number of instagram followers because all he posts are videos of himself doing flips and mildly thotty selfies that are tolerable because they’re not SUPPOSED to be thotty? he’s always just like ‘went out for some morning coffee at the place across the street! I love it so much! have a great day everyone!!!’ followed by hundreds of people asking him to rail them. he pretends he doesn’t notice though his siblings have pointed it out 22,000 times.
Tim is on twitter and has a reasonable number of followers. he’s verified, even though all he posts are (alternately) lengthy and intelligent political threads and shit like ‘if you can’t make your own endorphins then slamming five 5 hr energies for 25 consecutive hours of energy is fine’ at 3 in the morning
for the record, I don’t think people know Jason is alive for the most part? he has all his social media under that name but given that Jason’s tweets mostly read like elaborate shitposts nobody really questions it
DarkestElemental616 