man i had a dream that magic was discovered in the near future
but it was like. shitty unbalanced fantasy magic. like within a few weeks people had wikis and guides up on how to glitch in immortality potions and time spells. people are just tossing homemade black holes around. i looked on the news and saw some speedrunner made it to the edge of the universe
ill gladly retell it but it sounds like complete horseshit, the only thing i have to prove myself is the fact that i made all those lying on the internet compilations because i hate people who bullshit this stuff and ive studied them enough to know that if i wanted to fabricate my own i would have made this way less stupid and more believable. ANYWAY
in like 2006 or 7 i was really into metalocalypse and made a myspace page for my fan character and there was a handful of people who roleplayed as the members of dethklok so i friended and interacted w them as my OC, they had a little following so when people saw us interacting on bulletins or tagging each other they would come and friend me (my OC), obv not knowing its a 13 year old doing it cause all the pics were just drawings of her
so this one guy friended me and immediately formed a weird obsession with my character and would constantly comment on her stupid myspace pics (again – drawings, and not very good ones) with shit like “you look good” “sexy” “we could be together if this was Cool World” and would occasionally message me with more or less the same sentiments but i didnt wanna talk to a random greasy stranger so i never responded with more than a “thx”
he went silent after a while and i didnt think much of it until a couple weeks later he shot me another message to the tune of “hey babe im sorry ive been quiet my wife found our messages and kicked me out” and thats how i ruined a marriage through my metalocalypse OC
heres one of the pics that was on her profile for full contextual ambience
a man was willing to destroy his marriage for this
It’s not very interesting but I’ll endeavour to make it not boring
It’s raining, and a public holiday. I’m in my room reading calmly after doing some errands in the afternoon. It’s nice and quiet. I hear knocking coming from the door.
It’s the door that leads to the balcony.
At first, I thought I was just imagining it. I go back to reading. I hear it again. KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK. I’m definitely not hallucinating it.
But like.
A couple of weeks ago, my neighbour cut down every single tree in his compound and… that ended up releasing a spirit (who had been living in a very old rain tree) who had been keeping my parents up by constantly knocking at their door (until they got a local religious teacher to pray it away, or it got bored and fucked off to a new home, whichever it is)
Also.
I’m too lazy to get out of bed.
So I ignore it. And then. A FUCKING TREE FALLS ON MY BALCONY.
Now I’m like. JESUS MARY AND JOSEPH. WHAT FUCKING BIRD HAS THE BEAK STRENGTH TO FELL AN ENTIRE FUCKING TROPICAL EVERGREEN ON MY BALCONY???
OBVIOUSLY I have to go out and check now. It turns out my dad hired our regular handyman to do some gardening, which included pruning a fucking tree WITH A HATCHET whose branches are themselves the size of individual trees.
And this particular branch is currently stuck on my balcony.
Hana! Push it over! He cries.
I don’t want a fucking tree in my balcony so I’m like, yeah of course I will.
I gently tip it over so that gravity will do the rest and I swear I was nowhere near the fucking thing but THEN THE ENTIRE LEAFY HEAD CANOPY PORTION FUCKING SWIPES ME BODILY AS IF THEY WERE TRYING TO PILEDRIVE ME INTO THE EARTH
And now I have to launder my newly cleaned shirt and slacks. Fuck you tree. I’m pressing charges.
The tree spirit was not happy about being ignored and then exorcized.
YEAH BUT I DIDN’T DO ANYTHING??? TREE SPIRIT YOU COULD HAVE DECIDED TO SWIPE YOUR LEAFY HANDS ON THE GUY WHO CUT YOU DOWN RIGHT???? WHAT IS MY CRIME????
It was punishing you because of your parents? Is it the same tree spirit or like…..their cousin?
It’s not very interesting but I’ll endeavour to make it not boring
It’s raining, and a public holiday. I’m in my room reading calmly after doing some errands in the afternoon. It’s nice and quiet. I hear knocking coming from the door.
It’s the door that leads to the balcony.
At first, I thought I was just imagining it. I go back to reading. I hear it again. KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK. I’m definitely not hallucinating it.
But like.
A couple of weeks ago, my neighbour cut down every single tree in his compound and… that ended up releasing a spirit (who had been living in a very old rain tree) who had been keeping my parents up by constantly knocking at their door (until they got a local religious teacher to pray it away, or it got bored and fucked off to a new home, whichever it is)
Also.
I’m too lazy to get out of bed.
So I ignore it. And then. A FUCKING TREE FALLS ON MY BALCONY.
Now I’m like. JESUS MARY AND JOSEPH. WHAT FUCKING BIRD HAS THE BEAK STRENGTH TO FELL AN ENTIRE FUCKING TROPICAL EVERGREEN ON MY BALCONY???
OBVIOUSLY I have to go out and check now. It turns out my dad hired our regular handyman to do some gardening, which included pruning a fucking tree WITH A HATCHET whose branches are themselves the size of individual trees.
And this particular branch is currently stuck on my balcony.
Hana! Push it over! He cries.
I don’t want a fucking tree in my balcony so I’m like, yeah of course I will.
I gently tip it over so that gravity will do the rest and I swear I was nowhere near the fucking thing but THEN THE ENTIRE LEAFY HEAD CANOPY PORTION FUCKING SWIPES ME BODILY AS IF THEY WERE TRYING TO PILEDRIVE ME INTO THE EARTH
And now I have to launder my newly cleaned shirt and slacks. Fuck you tree. I’m pressing charges.
The tree spirit was not happy about being ignored and then exorcized.
space whales, dismissed by most as tall tales invented by superstitious old spacefarers who spent too long off-planet, a product of the tedium of space travel and inhaling too much recycled air, but still looked for by wide-eyed ensigns on their first expedition into deep space, and conspiracy theorists encouraged by recordings of strange and unidentified sounds, picked up by scientific research ships on their quest for further knowledge of the final frontier
star-people, said to conceal themselves amongst the gas-cloud nebulas, whose enchanting song has succeeded in turning sane men mad, abandoning protocol to steer their ships into deadly asteroid fields, or forsake civilisation in favor of the cold, unforgiving depths of uncharted space
space wyrms; great leviathans of the stars, growing to monstrous sizes in the zero-gravity atmosphere, devouring unsuspecting vessels that make the fatal mistake of crossing their path. some say they eat space whales.
Imagine thinking your spouse is a sexy secret agent for decades only to find out he’s a restaurant critic for fat tire boy magazine
Better yet imagine a real spy getting in trouble and mistaking a restaurant critic for a fellow agent. But the critic takes their job very seriously and won’t reveal themselves and so gets pulled into some kind of huge dangerous conspiracy whilst continuing to take notes on the quality of every restaurant they almost get shot in.
make the movie make the movie right now
You might enjoy The Man Who Knew Too Little, then. Except he’s an insurance agent.
If everything was legal for like twenty-four hours I’d start a communal garden.
This is barely even hyperbole.
I would legit start a communal garden with whoever wanted to join me.
I think that would be fucking dope.
Rewrite of The Purge where, for 24 hours, people hurriedly complete all those renovations and projects that the council forbids. Helen, leader of the PTA, laughs maniacally as she tears grass from her lawn with a pitchfork, her thirteen-year-old daughter Emily’s arms red with mud as she wades through the carnage, planting thyme. Jack and Mitch have left their friendly smiles behind at the RSL; today their faces show only grim determination as they methodically shovel gravel into potholes and pour bitumen. The local biker gang, gathered on the corner, are the most rambunctious of the mischief-makers, whooping and hollering as nail guns are driven into plywood, assembling miniature by-the-road shelters for the homeless to rest on cold nights. Their noise covers the sounds of Katy and Sam moving from street to street with their trolleys, picking up unsold or unwanted food from houses and restaurants to give to the hungry without fear of taxation or food safety reprisals. They’re young, and still scared of being caught.
But there’s no one to catch them. Not tonight.
…You know you live in a dystopian capitalist hellscape when….
Couples receive “parent points”, which they can use to purchase their children. Most parents wait for a few thousand, but you chose to buy the cheaper, 100 point child.
Shane knows what it’s like to be a 100 point child. He knows how it feels to see potential parents–potential families–come through the facilities doors, faces bright with excitement. He knows how it feels to see them reading the little plaques on the nursery doors, scanning the lists there for the right bits of knowledge and etiquette and grace that they want their baby to have.
He knows how it feels to see their faces pinch outside the window before they hurry to the next room.
Shane grew up in a 100 point nursery. They had torn, ratty, books and no teachers, and when snack time came, the tray was pushed through a slat in the door. They were called “unruly” and “damaged” and “stupid.” A lot of the other kids threw tantrums and broke furniture (and sometimes other kids). A lot of the other kids went quiet after the first few years when they realized they’d never be adopted until they were old enough (or pretty enough) to be useful. A lot of the kids cried and didn’t stop until they got taken away or were aged out.
Shane’s grown up a lot since aging out. He put himself through school, got himself a job, shed his 100 points like the torn clothes he’d left the facility in. He’s powerful now, successful, and he’s grown out of the twisted nose, big ears, and gap-toothed smile that had made him one of the less attractive 100 point babies. Or maybe he’s grown into them. Who’s to say?
It’s taken him a long time to get enough Parent Points to do what he wants. Being a man is, for once, somewhat hindering as most of society equates “parental” with “maternal.” He’s lost count of how many social workers have politely hid expressions of surprise when he told them he wanted to adopt stag, that he’s willing to take the classes, get the grades, make the oaths to get even one Parent Point.
In medieval culture, an event like a royal christening is not a private party; it’s the public social event of the year. To not invite any person of rank to such an event is a deadly insult.
Maleficent is certainly someone you wouldn’t want at a party, but she’s also someone powerful enough that only a fool would ever dare treat her with such blatant disrespect. The only way the King and Queen could possibly have gotten away with not inviting Maleficent was to not invite any of the fairies at all; inviting the other fairies and excluding her is explicitly taking sides in the conflict between the fairy factions.
Which means they made themselves her sworn enemies, and she responded by treating them as such from then on. If you actually get into analyzing the social dynamics of the scene, it’s very clear that Maleficent was willing to show mercy at first by giving the King and Queen a chance to apologize for their disrespect to her. She doesn’t curse Aurora until after she gives them that chance and they throw it back in her face with further disrespect.
And yeah, if the King and Queen had done the properly respectful thing and invited her, Maleficent would have given Aurora a scary awesome present. Moreover so would the other fairies, because at that point both sides would be using it as an opportunity to show off and one-up each other. What they gave her before Maleficent showed up was basically just trivial party favors by fairy standards.
How do you know so much about the social dynamics of medieval fairies
Because the very first things anyone reading a legit fairy tale will realize right away is A) there are Rules and B) ignore them at your peril
…okay, now I just want to see baby Aurora being told by Maleficent that she will be a conqueror and a ruler without peer, the master of all Europe, to whom kings and emperors bow and scrape.
ahhhhhh i need
Sleeping Beauty AU with warrior queen Aurora leading her armies across the country to glory and victory
“Not only will you be a powerful ruler,” the next fairy after Maleficent steps up, “You will be just, honorable, and skilled, respected by friend and foe alike. What you take you will keep, and you will be remembered kindly by history.”
“Furthermore,” the second fairy steps up, “Any land you rule will prosper. Under your hand the people will thrive, the crops will flourish, and the stock be in good health. There will be wealth enough for all, with enough left for generosity.”
With this, all eyes turned to the third fairy, wondering what gift she would offer, what favour could be grand enough to follow these wonderous blessings of power, strength, and prosperity. Slowly, the third fairy approached the bassinet, standing before it a moment in contemplation, before finally speaking.
“All dogs with be your friends. Even the wild ones. Wolves too. If it’s a canine, it’s your friend now, yet they will never jump on you, make you smell weird, or get you all covered in fur.”
honestly it might be an unpopular opinion, but if it doesn’t add to or happen to be an integral part of the plot, i don’t want romance. straight, lgbtq, any. if you have a story that basically goes “they fuck shit up and then suddenly here’s a romance out of nowhere that has no bearing on the plot” (see: almost any action movie where the gf isnt dead and a plot device with no character) you might as well just… cut it out of the script… its not fun for any of us
DarkestElemental616 