He does this ALL the FUCKING time.
He’s a wanderer. He’ll wander. He can’t not. It’s an itch in his feet and a longing in his heart; it runs counter to all he is, to remain in one place for long.
But he always turns back up. And then laughs as you’re doing a rune draw to see “What the hell man did I do something wrong?”
“LULZ NOPE YOUR’RE COOL I HAD SHIT GOING ON.”
“…You could have dropped a message…”
“BUT THIS IS WAY FUNNIER. AND ALSO THIS WAY, YOU LEARN TO STAND ON YOUR OWN.”
Or you ask for knowledge or help with a spell, and he gives it to you. Then you’re dealing with the aftermath and:
Me: Odin, please show me the way out of this mess
Odin: … can u chill tho
Me: come on please
Odin: No
Me: P L E A S E
Odin: I could help, but honestly you did this to yourself and, consider: what if instead we cracked open a cold one and sat together in stoic silence, mourning your life choices.
Me: … ok fine.
Like he’s the epitome of “If you teach a man to fish, he’ll never go hungry. But if you sic a sharknado on a man, he’ll come out of it with a decent handle on fishing AND be able to best anything that comes after him in the future.”
YEP THAT SUMS IT UP PERFECTLY
Tag: that’s not inaccurate

“It wouldn’t be legal to marry” (Startling Stories, 1952)
the shape of water – 2018
Norse mythology fails to convey the sense of terror that must have hung over Asgard every time Loki was gone for longer than eight months and three weeks
#okay but imagine the betting pool#is it gonna be half undead?#horse with too many legs?#a giant fuck off snake?#who knows! ( @much-ado-about-mothing)
Loki, holding up the newest baby Lion King-style: IT’S!!!!! A WOLF!!!”
underneath the rock: *dozens of creatures from all over Nine Realms muttering quietly, exchanging money*
#you fools #wolves gestate for only 2-3 months #and horses can be pregnant for over a year! #there is no period of time that they can relax for #literally any time he’s out of their immediate supervision #he might be coming back with another harbinger of ragnarok #bundled up in nappies [X]
on a scale of 1-10 lexy is a 20 on the THICC scale
abso-frickin-lutely the guy would bring down castle oblivion if he ever clapped his legs together
me every so often: I know I’m pretty pragmatic about my belief in Gd anyway but idk if I believe in such thing as “Gd” rn
Gd: that’s chill
me: who asked you
James Tiberius “sunk all his points into improvised weaponry and bluff” Kirk, space bard.
Commander “charisma is a dump stat” Spock, space wizard
Lieutenant “wait, can we use supplemental materials for this?” Sulu, space duelist
Lieutenant Nyota“lockpick and detect trap are literally always useful skills guys come on” Uhura, space theif
Lieutenant Commander Montgomery “definitely going to blow the party up with that flask of Greek fire” Scott, space alchemist.
Ensign Pavel “Does not know how to tank” Chekov, Barbarian
And finally, to round out the party, Leonard “I can’t believe not a single one of you motherfuckers took a single rank in healing, I should pick rogue just to spite you,” McCoy, space cleric.

