do you think the dc universe has a news site like the onion that’s just like…
“meddling parents still alive, preventing bruce wayne from adopting yet anther orphan”
“new study shows that 87% of all americans class superman as american citizen despite being born on a different planet, but only 49% avoided eye contact when asked about why martian manhunter doesn’t count”
“area woman thanking her lucky stars that batman and superman fell out on the same day she was due to go to boss’ niece’s bat mitzvah”
“arkham guard astonished by trip to iron heights, only now learning what locks are for”
“area man pretty sure he should be making more than $60k a year if his boss has 10 billion dollars to waste on robotic exosuit”
“breaking news: lex luthor sues superman for loss of earnings, claims that continually losing fights to him is negatively affecting his work ethic”
“Hub City mayor declares state of unemergency after two hours without a violent crime”
“grown man who dresses in halloween costume every night thinks clown his biggest problem”
“disappointed child realizes Booster Gold at birthday party the real one, not just a guy in a costume”
“drunk Aquaman rampages through ‘Pirates of the Caribbean’ ride”
“new Teen Titan not attached to any Justice League member wonders why they’ve been issued a uniform with a red shirt”
“Earth totally not a tax haven, say Green Lantern Corps as they assign eighth lantern to same planet”
“’no one knows how to stop him’ says armed police officer as non-powered clown-themed supervillain begins 82nd massacre this year”
“bruce wayne’s children accused of domestic violence after bruce wayne shows up to work with a cast on his arm and leg”
“superman added to fbi’s most wanted list after crashing into a very important dam”
“superman caught entering bruce wayne’s penthouse half an hour after batman reportedly left- a forbidden romance or one night stands?”
“Nation shocked and worried as President Luthor goes twenty four hours without ranting about the Danger Posed by Aliens on Twitter”
“Metal detectors continue to impede Robot Man’s ability to prevent plane hijackings”
“Wonder Woman claims “Constant kinkshaming from the hostages” the reason she allowed supervillain to banish bus full of people into a limbo dimension”
“Fifth historian this month reduced to tears attempting to make sense of repeatedly rebooted planets past”
“Healthy baby boy born to parents with Ridiculously Evil Sounding Last Name almost certainly going to grow up to become a supervillain”
“Rampage prevents rampage in Metropolis, Riot continues to act as his name implies he would to be less confusing”
“Will Magnus insists creation of beautiful large breasted robot girl programmed to be in love with him ‘Totally not a sex thing’ to disbelieving crowd at his TED Talk”
“Justice League International now forced to work out of trailer home, considering rebranding as Justice League Jersey”
“Local man thinks Themyscira is discriminating against him and his plans to open a Hooters there”
“Sideways to press: “Stop saying I’m Spider-man”“
“Doom Patrol to consider rebranding after realizing they don’t patrol doom that often”
“Elasti-girl sues Disney for copyright infringement”
“Pizza delivery man struggling to deliver to Watchtower”
“Local man getting real sick and tired of his car getting thrown at supervillains”
“Another physicist cracks while struggling to explain Flash’s powers”
““I don’t kill” says local bat enthusiast who apparently does not know what repeated blunt force trauma to their skulls is actually doing to the muggers and supervillains he beats senseless”
“Shockwave forced to halt crime spree after legal injunction from Hasbro demanding he cease all acitvities under that name”
“Atheists “Deeply annoyed” by Ares the God of War’s continued insistence that he does, in fact, exist”
“Birthday clown unemployment crisis in Gotham continues to worsen”
“Roscoe Dillon invited to lead Central City Pride Parade following confusion over what kind of Top he is”
“J’onn Jones causes frustration at local karaoke bar once again by repeatedly saying “Yes” during singers attempt to perform “Life on Mars” by David Bowie”
“Do ghosts exist? Jim Craddock, The Spectre and the Haunted Tank weigh in on this divisive topic”
“Orphaned child somehow goes another year without swearing to spend rest of his life warring on all criminals, experts remain baffled how this possible”
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DarkestElemental616 